Lyric Based Phanfic
by SailorThePhangirlingDemigod
Summary: Daniel Howell is a lonely and depressed teenage boy. What happens when the heart throb of the school, Philip Lester, decides to make Daniel his love interest? (uses OC's)
1. Can You Hear The Silence?

_**Welcome to the black-oops. Didn't mean to say that. I meant, welcome to the first fic I've become serious about doing longer than 20 minutes. Anyways, the first song that I am using is Cance-oops. Sorry. Did the My Chem thing again. Don't kill me. Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon.  
**_

 _ **Please, please, PLEASE! Share my fic, follow it/me, etc. It's my heavy fuel. Also, comment what songs you think I should use. Another thing, take a look at my profile if you decide to follow my account. There are some questionnaires you can fill out.**_

 _ **Enjoy :)**_

* * *

Can You Hear The Silence?

Today. Out of all days, today had to be the day that Greydon was ill and wasn't at school. Today I had to fend for myself against the horrors of high school and it's prisoners. And myself especially, being a prisoner in my own mind. Being locked in school all day just made matters worse, and then some. I was already in a bad mood, these things made it worse.

I felt a tug at the back of my shirt. What this time? I turned around and came face to face with Felix, the world's greatest a-hole.

"What do you want today Felix?" I said, my voice surprisingly steady.

"I want a lot of things. But what I want most is to see you in pain. You ready for a worse beating than yesterday?" Felix was right in my face, and honestly, I would have decked him if I wasn't so much of a wimp. I didn't answer his rhetorical question, so in response, he slammed me against the locker. I put my hands out, decreasing the impact of my face, but I still winced in pain. "That hurt too much, you pansy? Or do you still want more?"

"Just l-leave me alone F-Felix…" I barely managed. It's not that I was hurt, I was just in shock. Nervous. I suddenly felt panicky. My heart racing, my breath becoming more and more laboured. I couldn't feel anything, I had become totally numb. I was having a panic attack. I was barely keeping consciousness, but I suddenly heard a familiar voice shout from the end of the corridor.

"Felix, what in the HELL do you think you're doing to Dan?" Was that Phil Lester's voice? No way. He didn't even know my name! I opened my eyes and there Phil was, staring Felix down.

"Calm down, man. He likes what I do to him anyways. He never complains." Bull, and he knew it.

"Leave him alone, Felix! He's obviously in pain, mentally and physically! Screw off!" Phil was yelling at this point, his voice not even becoming hoarse. Felix was obviously intimidated but made no such signs. He just shrugged, gave both of us a nasty look, and walked away. Phil ran up to me, evaluating the physical injuries.

"Daniel, are you alright?" The older boy said softly. His mood suddenly just switched from angry to worried in a matter of seconds.

"Yeah, I'm alright. You know, you barely know me. You don't have to stick up for me." I wanted him to, though.

"I object! You aren't alright, I can see it in your eyes. Yes, I barely know you. But I should stick up for you, it's just right." Why did he care so much?

"Phil, you do realise that I'm an outcast and any social interaction with me will pull your social rank? I'm bisexual, and-"

"Daniel, stop. I don't care. I care for your well-being. My social rank? I couldn't care less. Now I am late for class, so how about we exchange numbers and meet after school?"

"Sure. Fine." I took out my phone and reluctantly gave it to him, and he did the same. When we finished our exchange, we said our goodbyes. Just as he was turning away I swear he winked but I'm not sure. Oh God….what does this mean…..

~~After School~~

As I'm walking out of school, my phone buzzes.

Phil

hey daniel meet me at my car, gonna go to the café

Me

What car? There are about a million cars in the lot.

Phil

the one you're literally right in front of.

I quickly looked up from my phone and found myself looking at Phil through his windshield. He smiled at me, I grinned wildly back. Quickly I walked to the car door and got in.

"So, Danny Boy, I was thinking we should go to the café across town, you know,-"

"Did you just call me Danny Boy?"

"Yes, why?"

"Don't ever call me that again. And as you were saying?"

"Alright, so we should go to the café across town, the one with the outside seating?" He, without warning, pulled out of the space. I guess it wasn't a question, where we were going, it was a statement.

For a while, we just sat in silence. At first, I'll admit, it was quite awkward. But it grew to be very comforting. I looked over and smiled a bit at Phil. He looked back, our gazes locked for a moment too long. I looked down blushing.

"Can you hear the silence, Daniel?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Can you hear how peaceful the silence is?"

I hesitated for a moment. I could hear it, but would admitting it make me look weird? "Yes, Phil. I can hear the silence."

"Good." He left it at that. He slowly reached his hand over to where mine was resting and grabbed a hold of it. I didn't look up, fearing that he might see me blushing. Maybe I could get used to this?


	2. Somebody Stole My Car Radio

_**Hi! Today's song is Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots. Please comment any suggestions. Also please share this and whatnot. It's my heavy fuel.**_

 _ **Enjoy :)**_

"What!? Really? No way that happened!" Phil exclaimed. We were in the outside seating of the café, and we just ordered our food.

"Yeah! And then, she turned around and said, 'Excuse me but we were here first, you narcissistic bloke!'" Phil was attempting to suppress a laugh but couldn't. We were getting stared at from being so loud but that didn't matter. After Phil and I stopped our laughing fit, we ate until our stomachs ached. We decided to go to the park.

"Hey, I just noticed this, where is your stereo system?" I said. There was literally just a hole where the radio controls should've been.

"Somebody stole my car radio. Now I just sit in silence." The boy replied.

"You don't listen to music?"

"Sometimes, if I bring my earphones with me. Or if I'm home listening to my music. But I don't listen to the kind of music you'd expect. You think I'd listen to pop and rap? I listen to metal, and rock."

"Really? I like all music but Muse is my favourite." Phil got all excited, just like a child would.

"They're my favourite too!" Phil pulled off to the side of the road.

"Phil, why have we stopped?"

"Because, Dan, I wanted to confess something," Phil was twiddling his thumbs. "First off, I'm bisexual. Second, I like you. A lot…" Phil was blushing, his face the color of roses.

"Phil, how can you like me? I'm ugly, and annoying, and…" I was cut off by Phil's lips softly grazing mine. The kiss seemed to last forever, although it wasn't very long. He pulled back.

"Shut up. You're special Daniel. I like you a lot." It took me a few minutes to process this, but I finally formulated an answer.

"I like you too Phil."


	3. Damn Your Kiss

**What's up guys? I've been caught in a tsunami of studying, homework, and chores, so I apologise for my delayed upload. But here's the next chapter, although it's extremely short. The song used here is Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco (fave song and band). Enjoy! And don't forget to favourite, review, share, etc**

 **xoxo**

Phil and I had spent literally the entire week together. Being with him made me feel so alive! I felt like a new person. I've slowly crawled out of the deep hole of depression I've been confined to.

All of the sudden my phone buzzed.

Greydon

Daniel! Where have you been ALL WEEK! You haven't even messaged me. You're in so much trouble when I get to school, even if I am still partially ill.

Me

I'll explain when I see you. Byeee XD

After finally finishing getting ready, I headed out the door. Before I could shut the door, I hear my grandmother call for me.

"Daniel! You haven't eaten any of the brekky I've cooked you all week! Why?"

"I'm sorry, mum. I've been eating at the café with my buddy. I'll eat here next week, I promise." Without saying goodbye, I left. I was halfway to school (I normally walk) when Greydon pulled up next to me in his car.

"You brat! I'm gonna kick your butt! Get in the damn car, right now mister. You've got some explaining to do." I obeyed, fearing for my life. Greydon, being my best friend, scared me sometimes.

"Sorry, Grey. I've found myself...a...uh…" I started blushing. I wanted to say lover, but that was an overstatement. Crush was an understatement.

"You've found a boy toy, haven't you? Aww, my little Daniel is growing up!" We both burst out laughing at our childishness, but I was beet red.

"Yes, Greydon. I'm growing up." I smiled, and he kept on driving. When we got to campus, we said our goodbyes, since our first period classes were in two different buildings. My eyes darted from person to person, searching for the boy who I dared to call mine. I suddenly caught a glimpse of his jet black hair, walking with what looked like Marzia, Felix's girlfriend. Phil suddenly stopped on the middle of the hallway and pulled Marzia close. He leaned in and whispered something, then kissed her. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I couldn't resist screaming at him.

"Phil! How could you do this!" He looked over, shocked.

"Daniel, it isn't what you think."

"Yes it is. After the time we spent together this week? I can't believe you could do this to me. Damn your kiss and the awful things you do…" With that I ran. I ran to Greydon's car. He always kept his car unlocked in case I forgot one of my textbooks in there or something. I slumped into the passenger seat and sobbed myself to sleep.

 **A/N**

 **I am sorry to bring this up to readers whom have previously read this chapter before I edited it. I've changed PJs name. I didn't feel like I wrote the character very well. I don't watch him much, so I don't know how to portray him. I'll try to learn. I've decided to use one of my OCs. Thanks Byeee xoxo**


	4. House of Memories

**Hi! Today's song is House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco. I am sorry to bring this up to readers whom have previously read this story before I edited it. I've changed PJs name. I didn't feel like I wrote the character very well. I don't watch him much, so I don't know how to portray him. I'll try to learn. I've decided to use one of my OCs. Thanks Byeee xoxo**

I woke up to the feeling of Greydon stroking my hair. Where am I? I slowly opened my eyes, and realised I was in Greydon's car. That's right, I caught Phil being sleazy and came here and cried myself to sleep.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Mind telling me why you're teary eyed?" He was still stroking my hair. He looked so worried.

"I-I caught Phil k-kissing…" I couldn't finish my thought, as I was choking on my tears. Greydon's face changed from worried to angry very quickly, but he just as quickly changed back to worried.

"Oh, Dan, I'm so sorry. I hate seeing you in pain...how about a movie night, like we used to?"

"I guess, Greydon…" He looked a bit hurt at my lack of enthusiasm. Still, he smiled at me. I half-smiled back. He turned his head and pulled out of the space. The drive to my house was abnormally silent. For the rest of the night we just binge watched some kids movies. I played the part of being happy well, and for once Greydon couldn't see through my fake smile. He left around midnight, leaving me to drown in a pool of tears once more. I cried until around 1:30, when my window opened on its own. I looked up, and of course Phil was there climbing through my window.

"What are you doing here?" I said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear me.

"Daniel, I know that you're hurt. Really, I do. But if you could just hear me out…"

"No, Phil. I'm done listening to you. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I've already lost so many people in my life, and I've lost another. I'm through with trying. Just go." I looked away. Phil sighed.

"Fine. I'll go. But I have one thing to say; promise me a place in your house of memories." With that Phil went out the window and shut it behind him. He was gone…

Anxious and depressing thoughts began pouring in. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	5. If You're Leaving This World

**Hello there, lovely readers! Today's song is called Leaving This World by Austin Jones. Austin Jones is a solo artist and he deserves so many more fans. He has a youtube channel and you should check it out. His songs are amazing and they make me emotional. Anyway, enjoy this chapter. Review, favourite, share, etc. Thx**

It's 2 AM and I'm still wide awake. The tears ceased an hour or so ago but I'm still crying inside. Why am I still here? I thought. My mum and dad left me, and now Phil. At this point, l knew what I had to do. I glanced over at the blade on my bedside table.

"You aren't good enough anymore." I softly said out loud. Slowly I got up from bed, trying to be quiet as to not wake my grandmum. I got my coat and shoes from the mud room and grabbed a beer from the fridge. When I walked out the door, Phil was standing right by the door.

"What the hell, Phil?" I snapped. "I told you I don't want to speak with you."

"Dan, I know what you're doing. Please don't." He was pleading.

"No you don't. Leave me alone." I walked away from him and to the concrete. Quickly I walked from a half mile and came to a bridge. I stood at the rail and popped the beer open. I sipped and instantly recoiled. I didn't like it, the sour bitterness. I kept drinking anyway.

"Daniel, why are you doing this to yourself?" I heard from behind me. Why can't he just leave me alone?

"Because I'm obviously of no use to anyone. My mum and dad left me, all of my friends have left me, and now you. I might as well jump." I said, without turning towards him. I started tearing up.

"If you're leaving this world, I'm not far behind. Just remember that." His hands found themselves on my hips, his chin on my shoulder.

"Right. Like I'm supposed to believe that."

"Daniel, I'm serious. We need to talk. Please, just talk to me."

"No!" I whipped around to face him. "Stop. You've done enough. And you know what? I bet that if i jump off this bridge, you would walk away without a second thought." I was starting to cry, although I wasn't sure if that was because I was tipsy or because I was delusional.

"Daniel, you're drunk, and delusional. I'm taking you home." Phil grabbed my wrist before I could react and dragged me. I didn't resist. What was the point? I didn't care anymore.

Phil walked me to my house, and instead of leaving me there, he walked into my house and up to my bedroom with me.

"Phil, why are you even here? You cheated…"

"Daniel, let me explain this to you. First off, I never officially said we were dating. I was testing the waters with you. And you did see that I kissed Marzia on the cheek, correct?" I nodded. "Marzia is my stepsister, not a lover. In her family, since she moved from Italy, it's a traditional goodbye. I'm trying to make her feel comfortable here."

"O-oh." I said, unable to form any other word. Phil took his hands in mine.

"I'm sorry Daniel. I want to stay with you. I really like you. A lot. I would never intentionally hurt you. I'm so sorry...I feel horrible…"

"Phil, it's not your fault. I overreacted. Should we start over?"

"Yes we should. That would be best." Phil calmly said. "Hello, my name is Phil, and…" I laughed loudly.

"You dork, I didn't mean to reintroduce ourselves."

"Hey...I'm not a dork…"

"Says the boy with Star Trek ornaments on his Christmas Tree."

"Hey! Don't offend Spock! He can hear you." He whispered.

"You're adorable, you know that?"

"No, I don't know that. But we are getting off track. We need to talk. Please tell me why you tried hurting yourself tonight? I couldn't have been the only reason."

After sighing, I went into depth about how my parents left me with my grandmum, since they were drug addicts and didn't want to put me in danger. I explained that I was friendless with the exception of him and Greydon. "I was already contemplating life." I pointed to the razor that still sat on my bedside table. Phil went pale.

"I thought I was the only one…" Phil lifted his jumper sleeves and revealed many cuts, some scarred over and some fairly recent. "Dan, promise me that you'll stop? Actually, better yet, get help. I'll even go with you to therapy appointments." I stared at him in awe, wondering how an angel could experience self hatred but still be so kind to others.

"Yes, Phil. I'd like that." He smiled and I did as well, tearing up. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly, and after a moment of shock, he replied by kissing back. I pulled back and he was blushing.

"How about you get to bed? It's late, and don't you have an exam tomorrow?"

"Yes. But please don't leave me. Stay the night." Phil silently nodded. He climbed into bed with me, and after a few minutes, I felt his hand creep around my waist. I fell asleep blissfully.


	6. Leaving This World Part II

**Hey there! This is actually part two to the last chapter (that's a lame excuse for I'm too lazy to write using another song lol) but please enjoy! Please do all that sharing and favouriting and blah blah blah. I see I'm getting a decent amount of views but I'm assuming that my content isn't good if I don't get reviews. Although I'm mostly writing for myself I want to know that other people enjoy my work. So please review!**

"Daniel, why are you doing this to yourself?" I heard from behind me. Why can't he just leave me alone?

"Because I'm obviously of no use to anyone. My mum and dad left me, all of my friends have left me, and now you. I mine as well jump." I said, without turning towards him. I started tearing up.

"If you're leaving this world, I'm not far behind. Just remember that." His hands found themselves on my hips, his chin on my shoulder.

"Right. Like I'm supposed to believe that."

"Daniel, I'm serious. And actually, I'd rather leave this world before you can do so yourself." The older boy walked bitterly to the rail and sat on it.

"Phil! No!" I shouted.

"I love you Daniel. Goodbye." Phil simply leaned backwards and disappeared. I fell to the ground and slammed my head on the concrete. On the third time I woke up in a cold sweat. My head was pounding and then I realised what had happened last night.

"Daniel? Are you alright? You were thrashing in your sleep." I heard from a familiar voice. I looked up and saw Phil, realising I was laying on his chest.

"No I'm not alright. I had a dream that you killed yourself…" I started crafting* a bit. Phil kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry you had that dream Dan. But I'm here and that's all that matters. You probably have a hangover, don't you?"

"Yeah my head is throbbing. And I'm dehydrated. I'm gonna take a shower." With that I got up and walked into the bathroom. I made my shower quick, not wanting to hold Phil up. I threw on a black Muse jumper and black skinny jeans and galaxy converse. I blew out and straightened my hair. When I came back to my room there was a note on my bed.

Hey Dan. I had to go home, sorry I didn't wait. There was an emergency at home. Sorry Bear. Xoxo

I frowned but decided to text him. My phone was sitting on top of my blade. I felt a surge of anger. Why would I want to hurt myself? Somebody obviously cares for me. I picked up the blade and turned it in my hand, being careful as not to nick myself. I made a final decision.

I walked back to the bathroom and wrapped the blade in toilet tissue. I dropped it on the toilet and flushed. I was done with that. I was done hurting myself.

My life has just begun


	7. Somebody To You

**Hiya! Today's song is Somebody To You by The Vamps. I'm gonna try to not kill you with a A/N today. You know the drill.**

Since Phil had his family emergency (I messaged him; his grandma had pneumonia) I decided to call up Greydon. I wanted to tell him all about what had happened last night.

"Hey Daniel! What's up?"

"Hey Grey, wanna meet up soon? We can meet at the Japanese food place in fifteen if you'd like?"

"You know I would never pass up Japanese food. Meet ya there? Or want me to pick you up in ten?"

"Pick me up, please. I'd rather not walk." He hung up. Honestly, Greydon is a saint and my twin. My gay twin, at least. And it's so weird, he is friends with Phil. He's on the same social level, and I'm sorta just his sidekick.

Ten minutes later I'm waiting outside of my house for Greydon. He pulled up in his flashy Benz, which I never really cared for. I climbed in and the first thing Grey says is, "I have a confession to make, before I start driving." That one line worried me.

"A confession? Alright."

He sighed. "Daniel, we've been friends forever, and...oh God...this is so hard to say." Grey paused. "I'm in love with you. I always have and always will be totally in love with you. All I wanna be, all I ever wanna be is somebody to you. It breaks my heart to know that I can't have you, so I'm saying goodbye. We should go our separate ways." Hot tears started forming, clouding my eyesight.

"Greydon, you can't be serious. You can't leave me. You promised you never would leave…" I felt sick all of a sudden. I practically flew out of the car and could only make it to the trash cans on the concrete. I threw up out of shock and ran up to my room. I dialed Phil as soon as I got there.

"Daniel, this isn't such a good time but what's up?" Phil was really quiet, probably not wanting to disturb family affairs.

"Phil, you have to get here. I can't do this anymore…"

"Dan, what happened? What's going on?"

"G-grey told me he l-loved me and said he couldn't be f-friends with me anymore. Please Phil, I can't go through this alone!" I was sobbing and I had difficulty breathing.

Phil was silent for a moment.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Can you hold off until then?"

"I g-guess."

"Alright Bear. See you soon" The phone clicked off. I just laid on my bed. I shot Phil a message saying not to bother knocking, just to come in and come right up to my room.

Twenty minutes later footsteps came closer to my door. The door opened and there Phil was. Reluctantly I sat up and Phil crushed me in a hug.

"I need you to know that I will never leave you like that. Screw Greydon. You have me and you always will." I had just stopped sobbing but this made me sob once more.

"Thank you Phil...I...I love you."

"I love you too Dan. I really do. How about this, I stay the night again? I just have to run to my house real quick."

"No! Please Phil don't. I don't want to be alone. Can't we just stay at your house?"

"Fine. That'll be fine. Shall I wait in the car for you?"

"Yes that's fine." Phil smiled and kissed me on my forehead. He walked out. I quickly stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a backpack and walked out.

I can't believe I'm doing this.


	8. You Are The Reason I Still Fight

**Good day, everyone! 2016 was one hell of a year. I'm so glad it's over. Today's song is Throne by Bring Me The Horizon. Share, favourite, review, etc. You know the drill.**

"Don't even try to cry me a river 'cause I forgive you. You are the reason I still fight" I said to Phil. I currently have my head in his lap and I am sobbing. He wanted me to tell him everything, so I did. I told him exactly how I felt about Greydon leaving, and I even got the courage to tell him how I felt about him.

Phil began to cry a little bit.

"Nobody has ever said that I mean much to them, Dan. I've never impacted somebody's life as much as I have yours. And I need you to know that I only fight for you too." Phil pulled up the sleeves of his jumper. "These? I've been cutting since I was 13. Materialistically speaking I'm very well off. But I don't have much of a family. They don't care. They are only worried about themselves. You, on the other hand, have saved me just by being here." I started to cry more.

"Phil, I love you so much. I know, we practically just met but I am so, totally in love with you." Phil smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I felt like time has stopped for a minute. Within a few minutes we were practically nude, only our boxers remaining. As much as I wanted to continue, I was nervous. "Phil...I c-can't do this. I'm not r-ready…" I felt like such a spoon. I led him on and then wouldn't let it happen.

"It's fine, Bear. We can do this at your pace. I only want you to be happy." Phil dismounted but held me close.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I spoke. "Why did you decide to call me Bear?"

"I don't know. I just thought it was cute."

"Alright. I know what I should call you."

"Hm?" I interlaced my fingers in his.

"Mine."

"You know, you are absolutely adorable. I'm glad I get to be yours."

"You're the only one I could ever dream of having." I leaned up and kissed Phil's cheek. I can't help but thinking of how I want to spend forever with him, even if we've only been together for about a week and a half. When I said I was totally in love with Phil, I meant it.

"Dan?"

"Yes?"

"I have a proposal for you." Oh damn….

"Alright?"

"I will stop harming myself, only if you do too. You cut, I cut. You die, I die. Deal?" I looked at him wide eyed. Again we have an angel talking about his self hatred but still offering kindness.

"Deal. Absolutely, deal." Phil leaned down and kissed me. His kisses were heaven for me. I could live off of them like oxygen. Phil, obviously wiped out from his angst-ridden day. I was wiped as well. Before I knew it, I was falling asleep on Phil's bare chest. I fell asleep for good when he started stroking my hair.

For the first night in a long time I didn't wake up with anxiety attacks. I dreamt of living with Phil in a flat in London, and being somebody. Oh how I wish these things were possible.


	9. Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

**Well hello there! Sorry I haven't updated, I've had a writers block AND and artists block. Anyways, today's song is Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year by Fall Out Boy, as requested by MyPatronusIsEmberdawn. I like her writing quite a bit so check out her page. Also, please critique as I am having difficulty writing longer chapters.**

For the first night in a long time, I didn't wake up with anxiety attacks. I dreamt of living with Phil in a flat in London, and being somebody. Oh how I wish these things were possible.

I woke up this morning in Phil's arms. I didn't want to wake him up, so I just sat there enjoying his embrace in the warm amber light that shone through his window. A perfect scene, really.

Suddenly Phil began to move. He snuggled closer to me. "Morning, love." I said, smiling.

"Morning, Bear."

"Do you have the time?" He reached over and grabbed his phone.

"11:17. We ought to get up."

"That we should. I'm hungry. I want pancakes."

"Oooh you know what I want?" He questioned, getting quite excited.

"No clue."

"I want a crepe. Come on, Bear! Let's go buy some!" Phil shot upright, excited by the thought of food.

I groaned and he jumped on me.

"Phil...I'm not a morning person. I need a little while. How about this; you get the crepes, and I stay here?"

"Dan, I...I don't know. My mum and dad don't know that we are dating and if they come in here and find you they will figure it out!" Phil used a series of hand motions throughout this statement.

"It's just a matter of time until we're all found out, Phil." Phil was quiet for a moment. He then paused, then sighed.

"Dan, I haven't came out to my parents yet, and they are extremely religious. They are very against the LGBTQ+ community. I don't think I can…" Phil was cut off by a crash outside. If it weren't for the screams right after, Phil and I wouldn't have bothered. But Phil got up and looked out the window. Phil gasped and bolted out the door with no explanation. I threw on a jumper quickly and ran after him. I found him standing outside of a car wreck in his garage.

"Tha...that's my parent's car!" Phil screamed and dropped to the ground. I fell to my knees and cradled his head in my arms.

"Phil? I'm going to call 999, alright?" Phil didn't respond, he just sobbed into my jumper. I dialed.

"Hello, what is your emergency?"

"I need an ambulance out here, very fast. There's been a car crash."

"Were you in it, sir?"

"No ma'am, my friends parents were in it." Phil gripped my arms harder.

"Alright, please stay on the phone. Emergency services are on the way." Within five minutes, paramedics were in the driveway. Within another five, Phil and I were in the ambulance on the way to the hospital with his parents. Both were unconscious.

Phil was sobbing in my arms still.

"Daniel?" He choked out.

"Yes Phil?"

"I was thinking of coming out to them today. Before, you know." He could barely form words.

"After they recover. Let's not distress them." There were a few moments of silence.

"I love you Dan."

"I love you too Phil."

 **Aaaanddd scene! Hehe felt good to say that. Just wanted to say that I most likely won't be uploading within the next week, as I will be on a family vacation. But I will try and write on the flight and stuff. Good day ❤**


	10. Philler Chapter

**Hey guys! So I'm having a massive writer's block due to me being burnt to a crisp and being tired from studying for exams. Oh well, who needs health when you have school? Anyways, I apologise for not having uploaded. I couldn't get my mind into this fiction so I'm just doing a filler for now and I'll continue the actual storyline later. Could you give me some inspiration or something? Haha. Also, check my recent addition to my fanfictions, there are some announcements there!**

So yeah. This is just a letter to Phil for his birthday (happy belated birthday, Smol Angel Bean!). I wish he could see this.

Dear Phil,

Hi! I'm a young adult from a small town and, statistically speaking, I have a very minute chance of making a difference anywhere outside of this county. Great, huh?

I just wanted to say happy birthday. I've been watching you for a year or so now (yes, the Phangirls can attack me because I haven't been watching you since your first vlog). I had been relatively new to this part of YouTube, so I wasn't sure what to think when you weren't a gaming channel (I hadn't discovered Dan and Phil games yet) or some DIY or makeup guru. But I eventually grew to love you. Not romantically, but like you were a big brother. I can't say how many times I've cried and just thought about you to make me feel better. I've even talked to you when I watch videos of you (I'm weird but oh well). You and Dan have helped me so much and nobody knows or understands how that works, but it's so so true. I don't know where'd I would be if I hadn't found you. I wish I could meet you one day. I love you so much.

I'm so proud of you! You've come through and unlocked so many achievements! (In real life and in video games). I can't believe you are 30. It just seems so unreal. In the last decade, so much has happened. I wonder what the next decade holds. I hope that your future is bright. Please keep being the ray of sunshine that is your existence.

Until I go to London,

Sailor


	11. Death of a

**Don't kill me for lack of uploading. I can explain. And will at the end.**

*PHIL POV*

Soon enough Dan and I arrive at the hospital. I can no longer process anything going on. All I know is I'm in a foreign room in Dan's arms. There is no longer any tears to spill across my cheeks, so I sit in silence, not thinking. Just drawing a blank.

There are other people around me. I do not know them. I wonder why they're here. Are they in just as much shock as I am? Are they numb to the pain or has it hit them like a freight train?

After a while, a man in scrubs walks out of a door in front of me. There are signs. OR, ER, ICU, NICU, some of them read. The man seems upset, and I start to wonder why. I can't get my voice to work so I say nothing and wait to see what the man does.

"Phil Lester? Is there a Phil Lester here?" I was laying across Dan's lap, and I felt him sit me up, but still supporting me. Dan speaks for me.

"Yes, this is Phil. Sir, he's in so much shock right now that I do not think he can properly process what's going on." The man raised an eyebrow at Dan.

"Dan Howell. Phil's boyfriend. As I said, he's in a significant-"

"Dan," I finally found my voice. "It is fine. Let me handle it." Dan had absolute fear in his eyes but sat down hesitantly. The doctor had a grim look on his face, and that made me nervous.

"Phil, your father is in critical condition. We aren't sure how long he has, or if he will even make it through the night.

"As for your mother," the doctor looked down slowly and ran his hand through his graying hair. "As for your mother, she's on the verge of death. She has a few minutes at best." The doctor kept his eyes on the ground.

After what seemed like eternity, I stood up, finally gathering myself and bringing myself back to reality.

"We would like to see my parents."

"Sir, I don't think that's the brightest idea-"

"No. I said, we would like to see my parents. Now." I used a stern voice, no longer tolerating this man. He dug his ID out of his pocket and motioned for us to follow him. He walked through many corridors that I could have never memorised. We finally reached a room, and the doctor opened the door for us.

I had to literally push myself into the room. As much as I wanted to see my parents one last time, I couldn't bear the thought of them dying right before my eyes.

In front of me were two beds. On the two beds were people I barely recognised by appearance. My parents looked awful.

My mother stirred slightly.

"P-ph-Phil…" she murmured. I briskly walked over to her and grabbed her hand.

"Mum...don't worry. I know you're in pain, and if you need to let go... I know you'll always be with me." My mother smiled slightly.

"Phil... I love you so much. D-Daniel...take care of my son, will you?" She barely managed this sentence before she closed her eyes. By her a machine began a long drawn out beep.

She was gone.

 **Again. I can explain. There's this thing (that I hate at the moment) called secondary school. I despise it. We've been creating our schedules for next year recently, and I've been busy training for spring sports.**

 **And I went to a Panic! At The Disco concert on Saturday night. I FREAKING HUGGED BRENDON URIE. AND HELD HIS HAND. I'm still freaking out. Oh mah lord.**

 **So here's an announcement. I'm no longer going to be using song quotations in my works UNLESS it is requested or I find one that will go with the chapter I write. I thought it would help my work but honestly it's not.**

 **I just got a new drawing tablet! Which is also one of my excuses. But I think once I get better at it I will make my cover arts for my fictions myself.**

 **Like, share, review, etc. Remember the drill?**

 **I think that's all I wanted to say.**

 **So yeah. Hopefully I'll write more often now. Bye lovelies ❤**


	12. Hospital Visit

**I have a lot of explaining to do.**

She was gone.

Doctors rushed in, trying to rush me out, but I wouldn't budge. They eventually gave up. They rolled my mother out of the room after covering her in a white cotton blanket. My father, also on the brink of death, lay on the other side of the room. I closed my eyes.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, followed by many more. I used Dan, whom had at some point put his arm around me, to support me.

"Phil, lets go. We need to go home." Dan whispered into my ear.

"What home?" I choked out. My mum had just died, and my father was going to die soon as well. I had nobody now.

"My home, Phil. My family, my arms, my bed. Please Phil. Come home." Dan wrapped his arms around me and turned me to face the door. I lifted my head, wiped my tears, and slowly walked to the door.

I heard another prolonged beep as I walked out. All I could do was keep walking, knowing that if I stopped, I wouldn't start walking.

I made it all the way out to the waiting room before stopping. I had to, because I had realised that we came here in the ambulance, not in my car.

"Dan...how are we getting home?" I said quietly as not to disturb the other people in the waiting room. Or lack thereof.

"Well I've got no money for a cab, so I'll have to call my grandmother." He said. He took his cell phone out and dialed. There was a hello, and then an explanation of what happened, and then Dan hung up. "She will be here in about twenty minutes."

"Dan...when will you explain to her that we are dating?"

Dan was silent for a moment too long.

"In all honesty, I'm scared to. But, we may as well just do it now."

Twenty minutes of waiting had slowly passed, and then Dan's grandmother arrived.

Dear lord, here we go.

 **Hi there! I've got news. Whether it's good or bad is your call.**

 **Firsr off, I'd like to remind any readers that I will not be using song lyrics anymore unless it is requested or I find one that is convenient for the chapter. It's restricted my writing capabilities.**

 **Second, keeping up with uploading is something I've found difficult lately. So, I won't be very focused on uploading. But this doesn't mean I'm stopping! I'm going to continue, just at a slower pace.**

 **Writers block is also killing me. Feel free to shoot me some ideas whether through a review or PM.**

 **I would've uploaded this tonight but had to do it this morning as I have softball tryouts and a band concert tonight.**

 **Replies to Reviews:**

 **DarkPitchBlack; Yes! During Death of a Bachelor he walked down the aisle and he literally pulled my friend into his chest (I hugged around her lol) and HE GRABBED MY HAND. It's my background now.**

 **Peace and love ❤️**


	13. Are We Really This Broken?

**Ugh I suck at updating but its ok! I have personal reasons (school *cough* sucks *cough cough*) Man I've been fighting this cold and it sucks (not realy)**

 **Okay, so I owe this chapter's plot to DarkPitchBlack, who left this in a review of chapter 12. Thanks, Dark!**

 **"Okay, for some ideas, maybe Dan's grandma doesn't support them, and kicks Phil out of her car? Then, when Dan gets upset, he gets out of the car and walks home with Phil? That sounds pretty adorable, tbh. And afterwards, maybe a bit of bullying at school?"**

 ***DAN POV***

Dear Lord, here we go.

Phil and I walked as casually as we could out of the hospital. We got in my grandmother's small, £14,000 Peugeot 208 as carefully as we could, as she was very protective over her car.

"Hey grandma. Phil's gonna stay with us for a while, if that's alright." I tried keeping my cool, but it was difficult, considering that I was about to come out of the closet to my grandmother, who had always advised me to "find a sweet, intelligent girl".

"Well considering the circumstances, we don't have much of a choice, now do we Daniel?"

"I guess not. Could we go to Phil's house first to get some of his things?" My grandmother only nodded. There was a few minutes of awkward silence that seemed to last an eternity. I finally, glanced at Phil will emotional and hopeful eyes, and in response, Phil grabbed my hand. I sighed.

"Grandma, there's something I need to tell you," I paused. She nodded, which was her way of saying 'spill'. "I...well, grandma, I'm not exactly straight. And neither is Phil, we've come to find out." All of a sudden the vehicle came to a halt. Thank god for seat belts or we both would have had a concussion.

There was a silence.

"Out." She said. Nothing more. I was stunned.

"W-what?" Phil managed for me. I couldn't speak, and I wasn't sure how he could.

"I said get out. You can walk home, Phil. I will not have a queer grandson and a queer grandson-in-law." I was shocked. I didn't know how to feel, how to react. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but Phil got out. I unbuckled myself and opened my door.

"Daniel, what in the world do you think you're doing!?" I didn't respond. Phil is the love of my life, and I wasn't going to let him leave by himself.

I walked away from the car with Phil, assumingly walking in the direction of his house. Either way it didn't matter, as long as we were A) getting away from my grandmother and B) together.

There was a long, drawn out silence.

It wasn't until we were at his front door that either of us spoke.

"Dan…" Phil turned away from his door and to me. "I don't know if I can do this anymore…" Phil's lip began to quiver, and I realised what he meant. At first I thought he meant our relationship, but then realised, he meant his life.

"But Phil...you promised…"

"Dan, I know I promised but," Phil paused, not sure of exactly what to say, and sighed. "I just don't think I can deal with so much pain anymore." Neither of us said anything. Phil closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, something he commonly did when he wasn't sure of what to say or do next. I started feeling panicky again, worse than when Felix attempted to beat me up again.

"Phil, we need to go in the house. I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety, and we need to talk about this." Phil seemed to be holding some most likely nasty words in the back of his throat. He sighed.

"Dan, I don't think there's much to talk about! Both of us are parentless, your grandmother just disowned the two of us and you didn't even try to fix it. That, and I bet that when we go back to school and we come it, our lives will be ruined! I don't even see the point in trying anymore!." Phil quickly turned and shoved the door open. Phil went up his staircase and fell into his hallway. I slammed the door, not mad but upset over how Phil was reacting, and followed him. I found him lying on the floor sobbing. I honestly didn't know what to do. All I could do was lean against the wall, slowly sink down the wall and start crying with him.

Are we really this broken?

 **So I'm not sure how much I'm going to follow Dark's suggestion (sorry Dark) but tysm for the inspo ily.  
Lemme know if you like or no like in le reviews. Favorite, share, review, etc. You know the drill.**


	14. HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO THIS FIC OFFICIAL

Hey guys! I know you aren't supposed to do authors notes as a separate chapter BUT this is necessary.

I know I haven't uploaded in forever. Sorry for that. I've been super duper busy and I've had really bad writer's block.

SO, inspo? PM it to me, review, you know the deal!

Peace out lovelies


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